Looking back in my short lifetime of 38.5 years, I can recognise that courage has been my secret superpower. It’s brought me to where I am today. It’s not confidence – because, well, can a young kid truly be ‘confident’?
Or is it courage that has driven me into that uncomfortable place of the unknown and uncertainty throughout my entire life?
I am first generation, born in London to immigrant parents who fled war and partition. I come from a traditional Turkish-Cypriot family and I grew up in a conservative household where boys definitely get (or used to get) more freedom than the girls. Females maintain a certain sense of integrity, shall we say.
So, my brother was afforded more social opportunities and I focused on my education as my freedom tool. Literally. I knew that if I focused on my studies, I could get the grades I needed to either go to UCL, LSE or Oxbridge and study Law. Even as young as 12 or 13, I remember thinking that university was MY ticket to freedom. I could get out and be independent. Be ‘normal’ as I felt it back then.
I’ve always been a bit feisty perhaps. My mum would say that I’m determined.
I believe that curiosity, my other powerhouse value, is a great marriage to courage. It’s my endless curiosity that led me to practice courage.
And so, my story of courage continues… being the first female in my family to live on university campus after countless disagreements with my father. And I can see where he is coming from. What’s the point in living on campus if your home is in London anyway?! I didn’t make it to Cambridge. Luckily. My ‘waiting list offer’ was in a female-based college – and after attending an all-girls grammar school – I prayed – “Please don’t let me make it through!”.
So being the feisty Turkish-London girl I was (or perhaps am…) I went through my life doing things that went against cultural norms – our people don’t become management consultants and stay away from home 4 nights of the week; our people don’t go volunteering in Kenya alone for a few months…and they definitely don’t abandon a career as a lawyer to pursue, “I’m not sure what I want to do”…
And as my father’s loving heart was tested time and time again, I was the first female to marry out of the Turkish tradition and wed an Englishman! Of course, my dad welcomed and loved my chosen partner like his own son. Then to add salt to the wound just a few years later, I made the most difficult decision of my life to get divorced in my early 30s. This was by far the most courageous point of my life, knowing the detrimental impact on my truly lovely ex-husband and my parents who would grieve the loss of a new son whilst also dealing with wider reverberations in my family. And then there was the impact it would leave on me. Broken and lost for a number of years, and in some ways, I’m still trying to heal those wounds not just for myself, but for my parents.
Not many early 30-something-females are on their own starting over, and with all my friends and colleagues around me getting married and having babies, what did that mean for me?
Fast-forwarding a few years, I then did something crazy – or crazy courageous. I decided to quit my successful director-level role in an industry I loved, pack up my flat and move from London to Barcelona to pursue yet again, “I’m not sure what I want to do.”
That led to a most joyful time and freedom like I’ve never experienced – both physically and mentally.
I love courage. It’s such a powerful and undervalued value. It’s the secret-hiding-force that can be utilised by us all, and yet we focus too much on the need for confidence to make change.
I admit, I got it wrong myself.
The -C- in my brand, The -C- Coach, stands for confidence. Or it used to. I’ve courageously rebranded it to The Courage Coach. Courage is the powerhouse for change and all we need to do is practice one small act of courage at a time to build our confidence in making change.
So my love and respect to Courage goes on (cue Celine from Titanic)…
And that’s why I have a secret love story with Courage. Because even I was fooled by confidence. It’s courage that has helped me build confidence, and it will help you also.
What could you change in your life with courage?
