(Check out the 4Ws for the practical ways to prepare)
I’m a boiler.
Well, I used to be.
I was that person who would swallow, and swallow, and swallow all of my emotions and words until eventually – BOOM. The eruption of my emotional Vesuvius.
I’ve always been ‘bad’ at communicating.
Even now, I’m working on my communications all the time. So maybe I’m a work-in-progress communicator.
Me being a bad communicator means not believing in my voice to share my truth, live by my values or stand up for myself.
This might seem strange for some who know me personally and professionally, assuming I’m confident. I don’t see myself as ‘confident’ because confidence as I feel it – is an outcome. It’s a feeling I connect to after something good happens for me. Delivering an inspiring presentation, having a great meeting, supporting a client in a powerful session, landing a sale. Whooooosh – that confidence kicks in.
A rush of blood through my stomach and into my chest.
That’s confidence.
Confident communicator??
So, if I’m not a ‘born-communicator’ with bags of confidence – what is it that supports me to build my ability to communicate more openly in an honest and genuine way? It’s definitely the power of courage.
Courageous communicator!
The Power of Courage has been a journey for me. I have travelled through the tight and suffocating tunnels of dark internal narratives and faced the imposter along the way.
Continually practicing courage has supported me to feel more comfortable in my skin and I am always trying to love all parts of me… even the ugly parts. I can be pretty ugly when I communicate badly, and I’ve noticed it’s mostly when my emotions get in front of what I want to say, and the words start vomiting out of my mouth!
Our emotions are triggered when stuff is feeling out of alignment – you might notice that your emotions heighten when you’re defending your values or your identity. It’s totally normal – we get defensive. Or like me in the deepest part of the dark tunnel – I can’t even find my voice. Stuck. Swallowed, lower and deeper.
Confidence in communication is a perception. Others see confidence in how we communicate. I, you, we – feel assurance and courageous when we communicate in a way that feels genuine and real.
In my research around those of us who exude confidence it comes back to your self-worth and your identity. If you can fully accept all parts of yourself, embrace self-love and realise it’s more important to show up in your real form, than to hold tongue in fear (the fears in repercussions are long and different for us all) – then it’s just that little bit easier to connect to your Power of Courage.
I’m definitely not saying that it’s easy to communicate if you’re a self-loving human, but it’s easier to connect to the fuel to approach your communication in a different way. We all have the capacity to communicate in a way that feels authentic and natural, but we are so programmed to follow the checklist we’ve been conditioned into; that it’s easy to forget we have a choice to do things differently next time.
We need to be courageous and put ourselves out there in a place of vulnerability.
Being a courageous communicator is the same as being vulnerable.
Fears are not real. Being vulnerable is. It’s your ‘real’ you.
We talk so much about being an ‘effective communicator’. What does effective mean? Well, it’s that checklist of expectations again that we are expected to fulfil. They might sound familiar to you: clear, precise, concise, clarity, empathetic, paced well, good eye contact etc. (link below to my free resource: Communicate Like a Leader, Module 2)
To be a natural, genuine communicator and make impact in the workplace you need to give yourself permission to go for it – speak your truth, stand up for yourself and give yourself permission to take that seat at the table! Yes, its going to feel uncomfortable or even alien to you but waiting to build your confidence before you do it is just delaying what you really need.
The Power of Courage allowed me to start being vulnerable and living in a way that felt more genuine. I matter, my voice matters and, in any scenario, I deserve a seat at the table (the table is represented by my vested interest… don’t sit at someone else’s table)
In my experience supporting people (and myself) to develop our communicate courage – it’s good to feel prepared.
So I’m also sharing my 4Ws of Communication Preparation:
Prepare yourself emotionally, mentally and with content that can support you in how you show up in meetings or conversations is detrimental to your potential.
And, there’s just no time to prepare your communication!
💡So here’s my 4 Ws of Communication:
1️. What
what is the meeting about?
what is the content and how much preparation do you need to think and physically prepare?
2️. Who
who is your audience?
are their multiple key stakeholders to consider in your preparation?
3️. Way
how do your stakeholders communicate?
what’s their style and ways of communicating that you need to prepare for?
4️. When
preparation means reflecting on the styles of communication and who might react in what way.
use the **When** prompt to use your Pause anchor
example: “When my boss starts questioning me and I notice my heart racing, and my cheeks going red, I will – <PAUSE> (then take a breath, nod, make ‘hmmm’ sounds, use a holding statement I’ve prepared etc.)
why is this one important?? To influence PACE.
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